


twenty

by placeless



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, brendon mentions the colour white a lot, jon is called walker, spencer is called smith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/placeless/pseuds/placeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>twenty memorable moments from brendon urie's life with ryan ross</p><p>aka, for brendon life comes in the form of ryan ross</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the night's a permanent stain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one

1\. brendon met ryan in college. they both reeked of cigarettes and cheap cologne, but nothing mattered in that moment except for the other’s lips. ryan had sheet white skin and a bony, angular body that hurt when it jabbed into him, but he didn’t mind because it reminded him of a doll. a pretty doll, like the ones on his sister’s window sill — the ones that she had shown him and said, ‘this is what a girl’s supposed to look like.’

ryan unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down, and brendon grinned while he went down. two rather noisy minutes later, ryan fell limp, panting heavily as he came. he petted brendon’s hair while he jacked off, and they fell asleep in a huddle of sweaty skin and sweet words.

sex wasn’t anything special to either of them, and when the morning came, ryan was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm relatively bad at writing smut so if you came here for steamy sex than whoops sorry to disappoint


	2. every time a light is turned on, there's a light that's turned off somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two

2\. coffee was brendon’s main life-source. he drank it at least seven times everyday and pete called him an addict, but he didn’t mean it because addicts were something else. something brendon wasn’t.

the two sat in a coffee shop, the older one balancing a pencil between his fingers. the remnants of eyeliner were smeared on his eyelids and a fresh hickey decorated his pale neck, but other than that he hadn’t changed. still the same short guy that brendon had known since he’d arrived in new york.

“you want to go to a bar with me tonight?” he asked, flicking his eyes up. “it’s run by some friends of mine.”

the brown haired man shrugged, sipping his coffee. it burnt his lips and felt like fire inching down his throat, but he didn’t mind. “sure.”

…

maybe the bar had a name, but brendon hadn’t seen it on his way in. the lighting was dim and couples sat around small wooden tables, sipping fruity drinks and giggling every few seconds. he flicked his eyebrows up at pete but he just smiled, leading him to the counter.

the bartender had baby blue eyes and a nice smile. brendon caught his last name — _smith._ pete introduced brendon and he smiled, waving slightly, but a stick-thin figure in the corner caught his attention before he could say anything else.

he sauntered over, lips quirking up because he’d recognise that body anywhere. “ryan?”

the other man looked up from his drink and blinked. “oh, hi… brendon?”

“yeah,” he nodded, “what’re you doing here?”

he motioned to smith. “my friend works here. what about you?”

“my friend dragged me here,” he said, and ryan’s eyes flicked over to pete, who was laughing at something.

“cool.” he paused, scratching at the back of his neck. “wanna get out of here?”

a smile stretched across brendon’s face. “i thought you’d never ask.”

…

outside, the snow fell in a flurry of white.


	3. i'm unconsoled, i'm lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three

3\. ryan approached him on a cold november morning, hands stuffed in his pockets and cheeks rosy from the wind. “would you like to go on a date with me?”

looking up from his seat on one of the frosted benches, brendon bit his lip before saying, “sure.”

ryan’s teeth were blindingly white when he grinned.

…

the restaurant was almost too nice, with candle-lit tables and waiters that wore suits. ryan hung his jacket over his chair and looked at brendon, a smile playing on his lips. “you look good.”

the younger man looked down at his clothes, which were mainly just an old dress shirt and some black pants. “thanks?”

he laughed, folding his hands and leaning on them. “you’re welcome.”

brendon didn’t think that he could ever get over that laugh.


	4. the best parts of lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> four

4\. on new year’s eve, they sat on the roof of brendon’s apartment building, huddled up in various blankets. they watched as colourful fireworks shot up into the sky and rained down over the city like an evening drizzle, forgotten bottles of alcohol lying on their laps.

“god, we’re lonely,” ryan said from beside him, and he looked at him with a confused expression. “i mean, here we are on winter break, watching as a new year begins with each other instead of our family. isn’t that kind of lonely?”

brendon leaned over and kissed his nose. “i don’t think i could ever be lonely when i’m with you.”

he laughed, burying his face in his shoulder. “you’re so cute,” he muttered.

“not as cute as you,” he said with a grin, and ryan smiled.

underneath them there was a new year’s party, and the people started to chant, counting down from ten. “i’ve never kissed anyone on new year’s,” brendon admitted, staring at the pale whiteness of the moon.

“then this’ll be a first for both of us,” the older man said, leaning in as the people beneath them shouted, _one!_

brendon wondered if this was what living felt like.


	5. sunken cheeks and slender hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five

5\. ryan was good at guitar but he didn’t know it. his fingers held his ageing, white guitar pick, dragging it over the strings effortlessly. brendon watched him with slitted eyes and a smile. he looked gorgeous this way.

“you wanna play?” he asked after a couple minutes, looking at the younger man, who just shook his head.

“i’d rather listen to you. you’re really good, you know?”

a faint blush appeared on his pale cheeks as he said, “no, no i’m not.”

brendon wondered who’d dragged his self-esteem so low as to make him believe that he wasn’t good at something when he clearly was. he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“sure, you are,” he said easily. “you just don’t realise it.”

ryan smiled but didn’t say anything else, turning back to the guitar. and as he played, all long, nimble fingers and sweet music, brendon decided that there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is so bad i'm so sorry why did i write this


	6. a sense of wonder, only slightly used

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> six

6\. the february air was frigid and brendon felt as though he could turn into an icicle at any moment. his teeth chattered even with ryan’s warm arm draped over his shoulder as they walked around the frozen park. he wondered how people could live their whole lives like this.

the ground was covered in a fresh layer of snow and the sky above was a grey overcast. children screamed in delight in the distance, sledding and building snowmen and having snowball fights. brendon remembered when he was like them — innocent and not a care in the world. he sometimes wished that he could still be like that.

“what are you thinking about, baby?” ryan asked, the term of endearment sounding strange coming from his lips — ryan hardly ever called him anything other than brendon.

“just about the world,” he said, turning to pull down the older man’s white parka and kissing him on the lips. “and how cute you look right now.”

he wrinkled his nose, pulling his hood back up. “you flatter me, brendon urie.”

grinning, he said, “i sure hope i do.”


	7. in love with love and lousy poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seven

7\. brendon rolled out of bed when he heard someone knocking. pulling on a shirt, he stumbled to the door, swinging it open. he was ready to berate whoever was there as he had been sleeping, but stopped the moment he saw that it was ryan.

he was standing there in a white shirt and black pants that emphasised his skinny legs. there was a bouquet of roses in one hand and a box of chocolates in another. “good morning, sleeping beauty,” he said, leaning in to kiss him sweetly on the lips. it felt bizarre, having someone kiss him in the morning — like something out of a stupid fairytale. brendon’s life wasn’t a fairytale.

brendon remembered the date then. valentine’s day — the day lovers spent fawning over one another and the day that people who were single wallowed in pity and drowned in alcohol. “i completely forgot what day it was.” he wrapped his blanket tighter around himself. “so…”

ryan laughed. “it’s fine,” he said, entering his apartment and shutting the door. “i have reservations at coriandri acetaria later today, so you gotta be dressed by then.”

“since when were you romantic, ryan ross?” he asked from his bedroom, getting dressed.

“since always, brendon urie!” ryan called back. “you just haven’t been around me long enough to realise it!”

he grinned, sauntering back to his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him. “you’re an idiot,” he said affectionately.

“and you love me for it,” ryan smiled against his mouth, pushing him against the wall.

…

coriandri acetaria was a nice restaurant in upper manhattan. the place reeked of women’s perfume, though, and brendon could have choked on the mushiness of all the other couples that were there. other than that, it was nice.

ryan sat them down at a table somewhere in the back. surrounding them were various photos of italy and greece, all in black and white.

“they’re all kind of depressing, aren’t they?” brendon asked, meaning the pictures. “black and white is… sad.”

he leaned against his knuckles and shrugged. “they’re pretty.”

brendon bit his lip. it lost colour beneath his teeth. “yeah, i guess they are.”

“not as pretty as you, though.”

a faint blush painted over his cheeks. he reached over, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. “you’re so cheesy, ryan.”

“you love me,” he said, and brendon grinned.

“yes, i do. i really do.”


	8. i need to pay my heart's outstanding bills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eight

8\. “he’s really head over heels for that guy, isn’t he?” ryan asked, leaning against brendon’s shoulder. his jacket was wrapped up tightly around him, seeming to squeeze his already-thin body in even more. brendon massaged his neck absentmindedly.

the two were standing in an old vinyl store a couple blocks away from smith’s bar, watching pete as he shamelessly flirted with the poor cashier. he’d been flirting with him for the past couple months and brendon couldn’t help but feel bad. 

he nodded, “yeah, he is.”

they roamed around for a couple more minutes before ryan asked, “hey, should i get this?”

brendon glanced up, seeing that the beatles’s white album was held in his hand. it contrasted with the rest of the store, which was coloured a dark, mellow brown. “sure — it’s a good album.”

he smiled, pushing pete out of the way to go purchase it. brendon watched him go, a happy expression on his face as pete stumbled over, frowning. “i don’t see why mikey doesn’t like me.”

“mikey?” brendon questioned, eyebrows flicking up.

“the cashier,” he said, rolling his eyes as if he should know — as if everyone should know. pete talked like that a lot.

brendon shrugged, “maybe you should stop flirting with him so much. it’s kind of weird.”

“but he’s so cute.” his voice was hushed as his frown deepened. “how am i supposed to leave someone with those looks un-fucked?”

rolling his eyes, brendon said, “you just do,” as ryan sauntered back over to them. his new purchase laid in a plastic bag, handle wrapped tightly around his hand. “you guys wanna go get pizza?” he asked. “on me.”

pete grinned, placing an arm around his thin shoulders. “you should be more like your boyfriend, bren. he knows what he’s doing.”

brendon laughed, following the two out of the store. “he’s more special unique.”

ryan sent him the broadest grin he’d ever seen after that.


End file.
